1. This is my fiance’s blog. All you jerk-asses better start reading it now, ok? It’s really good. 

     

  2. A NSWF palate-cleanser after the horrifying SecondWang Updates

    Tyranosaurus Sex

    I usually leave my fiance a nice note on the whiteboard in the bathroom for him to read when he’s getting dressed in the morning. One cold January morning, he received this instead.

     

  3. NSFW: (Hopefully) Final SecondWang Update *Graphic depictions of SecondSex*

    Until very recently, I’ve been using SecondLife as a Sims substitute…. Like Sims 3 with naughty bits. I even downloaded a realistic SecondLadybits. So tonight was horrifying. Poor Tractor’Fyre Gypsyface found some dude who was apparently turned on by the fact that she dances like Liz Lemon. 

    It started out as a joke, but it's becoming REEEEEEAAAAAAALLLLL.

    Yeah, so here is the abbreviated chat from this guy and me (because I’ll be damned if I’m going back onto Second Life while he might still be there.)

    Blonde-Mullet: So what are you on Second Life for?

    Tractor’Fyre Gypsyface: I dunno, looking at digital penises and playing dress up.

    Blonde-Mullet: So you like digital penises?

    Tractor’Fyre Gypsyface: Yeah, I guess, I don’t know.

    Blonde-Mullet: SL has so many cool things! Why don’t I show you?

    Tractor’Fyre Gypsyface: Sure, I guess.

    So blonde mullet guy takes Tractor’Fyre Gypsyface back to his house to show off how much stuff one can accumulate when you’ve been playing Second Life for two years. He graciously lets Tractor’Fyre crash his jet skis before he shows off the hot tub. This is where it gets graphic and well… Yikes.

    Blonde-Mullet: I’m sucking on your clit. It’s getting hard.

    Tractor’Fyre Gypsyface: Really?

    Blonde-Mullet: Oh yeah. 

    And then… this happened:

    Now yes, I did take off Tractor’Fyre’s clothes because she was getting into a hot tub, and it seemed only polite. However, this sort of thing went on for what seemed like a REALLY long time. Meanwhile, blonde mullet guy is trying to get me to have actual cybersex with him, which I was quite obviously not into.

    Blonde-Mullet: I’m pushing deep into your tight pussy.

    Tractor’Fyre Gypsyface: Yeah?

    Blonde-Mullet: Yeah, oh god, I’m so hard.

    Tractor’Fyre Gypsyface: Huh. Ok.

    Oddly enough, that’s the same face I made in FirstLife as this was occurring. I finally wandered off when Blonde Mullet asked me if I wanted to hear his voice. I quickly put Tractor’Fyre Gypsyface’s most fancy ballgown on her and teleported her to the museum of space travel, and logged off. 

    Still, I’m kinda sad that I didn’t think to equip Tractor’Fyre Gypsyface with the “realistic budget penis” and see what happened. 

    In Conclusion: SecondWangs. Yikes. 

    Thus, hopefully, ends my hunt for the SecondWang and all internet-related deviancy for many years (Pfft, hours) henceforth. 

     

  4. NSFW: More on the subject of Secondwangs

    While I’m on the subject of Secondwangs, I would like to alert any poor bastard who actually reads this blog to the existence of this:

    REALISTIC BUDGET PENIS!

    Realistic budget penis, y’all! REALISTIC. BUDGET. PENIS. So, naturally, I downloaded. I’ll keep you posted.

     

  5. NSFW: Secondwang ACHIEVED!

    So Second Life is a really weird game. A Turkish man told me I needed to change my skin, and offered to give me a tattoo. 

    Anyways, I found a bunch of free SecondStuff and went to town, so now Tractor’Fyre Gypsyface looks like this.

    AND, she’s got naughty bits and everything, because of course that’s the first thing I checked! 

    So the quest for the secondwang continued. I went to the “nude beach” because it seemed like a pretty good place to start looking. 

    This looks promising.

    Check it out! Even the turtle wanted a better look at that thing. Also, I’m pretty sure that dude is a SecondBoss, cause he’s standing around totally naked, wearing sunglasses and a watch, and a turtle is trying to get his attention. 

    Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go get into a fist-fight, get drunk, make out with a real man, and take a shower, just to prove that I don’t need this stupid game. 

     

  6. Adventures in SecondLife: Part 1. *(NSFW: SecondWangs)*

    I joined Second Life because I no longer have a first life. I sit at home all day, looking for jobs and becoming more miserable by the second. I figured Second Life might become a welcome distraction for me. 

    The first day I tried to play SecondLife, I got yelled at by a moderator (?) for somehow getting naked in the wrong place and then I somehow deleted my feet. Once I finally got my hair sorted out, I created my SecondMe. I worry that people don’t take me seriously in the game, however, since I chose the name “Tractor’Fyre Gypsyface.”  

    Tractor'Fyre Gypsyface

    Here’s a picture of Tractor’Fyre Gypsyface in one of SecondLife’s porn’n’hooker  districts. However, it took a long time to find the place. 

    Once I finally found my way out of the n00bs area, I met this gentleman. He wanted to have cybersex with me. In retrospect, I probably should have taken him up on the offer, because then I might have been able to peek a glance at the elusive SecondWang. However, this jolly chap pointed me towards a nude beach and a “intimate romance garden.” I thanked him and did a little dance. He was not impressed.

    I went to the Intimate Romance Garden and found what may or may not have been SecondSnooki but, alas, no secondwangs here. I pondered the mystery of the secondwang for a couple of days. I performed in-depth research and diagnosed the problem as my SecondLife account not being verified as an adult. Well, I firmly promised it that I was over 21 and would, in fact, buy it beer for its friend’s party next week, and proceeded to the first thing I saw with the word “sex” in the title.

    I navigated Tractor’Fyre Gypsyface to the porn’n’hookers district of secondlife. Being unwilling and unable to pay to see a SecondWang, I went exploring. This statue suggested that I was maybe on the right track.

    SecondWang MENU!!!

    In this photo, Tractor’Fyre inspects what appears to be a menu for SecondWangs.

    The curious thing about a video game which lends itself so perfectly to internet-based perversion is that your character must buy genitalia with real FirstLife money. Here, Tractor’Fyre stands outside of another SecondWang shop, inspecting the goods. 

    At this point, I realized that I was simply playing SecondSex Tourist and decided to go do something in the FirstLife. This parting shot depicts Tractor’Fyre applauding the mannequin that models the largest secondwang seen to date. Still no sightings of the secondwang in its natural habitat, but I feel like I might be getting closer to it. 

     

  7. I beg pardon?

    I beg pardon?

    … Beg pardon?

     

  8. My Masterpiece

    Nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan

     
  9. ispyafamousface:

    POP POP! It’s a find from across the pond! Luke Youngblood recently took a paintball bomb for the team on NBC’s Community as the enigmatic Magnitude, but back in 2001 and 2002, he attended Hogwarts as Lee Jordan in the first two Harry Potter movies.

     

  10. This is what happens…

    I have a bunch of cats. One of them likes to hop up on the door behind me and menace me while I’m playing Left 4 Dead. 

    He climbs up there and shakes the door and yowls at me and then, eventually, hops down onto my chair, occasionally landing ON me. He always makes sure that I’m good and properly scared by the video game before he jumps on me.

    I made a lame rage comic about it. Reddit didn’t think it was very funny.